she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
