So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
