ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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