and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
