Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
