My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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