He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
