We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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