I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
