The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
