I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
