big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
