I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
