It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
