i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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