My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My vagina is officially offended.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
