I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I want to fling myself into the sun
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
