Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
