hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
