Don't you send me to vm
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
