The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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