You just made me feel so damn special
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He felt like a one man threesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
