I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
