I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
