suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
