dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
