She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
