at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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