what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
