Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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