The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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