ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
