What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize