just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
