You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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