i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize