and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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