Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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