Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
