mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
