Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
