I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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