Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
