i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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