every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
