If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
