its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
