Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
