I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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