I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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