Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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