she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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