At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
