Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
