dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
