apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was CRYING into my vagina
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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