Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
