Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
