Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
