Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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