i need an iv and a liver transplant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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