So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
