I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
