every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
